A Lifelong Love Letter
by skygirl55
Summary: Picks-up at the end of 6X17. What happens when Kate follows Castle into the bedroom. One-Shot.


_A/N: I saw a lot of other post-6X17 fics so I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring. This is completely un-beta'd. Please forgive any typos. Enjoy!_

* * *

_"Come to bed."_

It was a request, not a demand, but more so a plea. Though the words remained unspoken, she heard them in his tone. _Don't go back to that dark place, Kate. Please, stay with me_.

His words, his touch would pull her through, pull her away. Away from the obsession. Away from the black hole, the vortex that her mother's murder had caused in her life. It had taken so much from her, but it would take no more. She'd made that promise to herself almost two years earlier while sitting on a swing set in the pouring rain.

She allowed herself just one more moment to stare at the face that haunted her nightmares. A battle was brewing—a storm raging. She knew that, and she was already in it, deep. One day, she would face it head on and go toe-to-toe with the man who ripped apart her family, but that day was not today. And for just this one night she could forget it; she deserved that, especially after what she'd been through.

With a gentle smile, she placed her hand in his and allowed him to guide her away. Away from the darkness. Away from the hate. Away from the world and into their bedroom. Only love existed there, and love was precisely what she needed.

She'd arrived home from the precinct hours earlier after her debrief and gone immediately to the shower. Her hair and flesh were caked with mud, leaves and god only knows what else from her fall down the hill. He encouraged her to lie down and nap after her ordeal, but she couldn't. Her body was spent, but her mind still buzzed so much so that she feared it would never stop. Wine and dinner helped that, and slowly her brain was giving in to the sleep deprivation she felt, but she would forego an hour or so of sleep for this—for him.

He led her into the bedroom and to her side of the bed, where she sat on the edge of the mattress. He brought both hands to the top of her head and ran them down over her ears to rest below her chin, dropping his lips to the crown of her head. When his hands traveled to her shoulders, his kisses went to her forehead, then her nose, and finally to her lips.

"If you're too tired, I-"

"No," she said, pulling his arms down around her. "I need this." _I need you_, she added silently. More than she could ever express.

In her mind she traveled back twenty-four hours when she was in the lavish bedroom at that mysterious mansion writing out her goodbyes. With each word she put on the paper, it felt like ripping her soul out through her chest. She had to do it, she knew she had to do it, but how could she do it? How could she say goodbye? They'd only had twenty months together—twenty months! Twenty months when not even a lifetime would be enough.

The thought of not seeing him again made her chest ache more than the ice water did as it crashed into her lungs. The thought of not kissing him, feeling his body next to hers, making love ever again _destroyed_ her. The only thing worse was the thought of his reaction to her death. Her own pain she could handle, but his was unbearable.

Kate pulled his lips to hers and sunk deep into the kiss, trying to memorize every moment, every feeling. The taste of the wine on his tongue. The smell of his aftershave. The feeling of his strong hands cradling her neck. She tried to scoot up further on the bed to make room for him, but winced and gasped involuntarily when she put weight on her left side. She had a sprain thanks to those damn zip-ties (and the tumble down the hill).

"Kate," he said cautiously, but she shook him off.

"Fine," she insisted breathily. "Promise."

Within moments, he'd rid her of pajama top and was peppering kisses over her collar bone, ribs and chest. After giving equal attention to both her breasts, leaving her nipples alert and glistening with his saliva, he trailed his kisses down across her stomach, pausing once to nip the skin around her belly button the way she liked, and down to the top edge of her pajama pants.

Pulling his lips away only long enough to remove his own shirt and her pajama pants, Castle quickly returned his lips to her right hipbone. He rested his forearms on the edge of the mattress as she lay back across the bed and spread her knees to give him room. He kissed his way from her right hip bone to the left and then down to her left inner thigh, only then pulling down the waistband of her panties.

With the final item of clothing removed from her body, Castle's lips returned to the juncture of her legs. He slipped his arms underneath her thighs, holding her close to him as his tongue lapped at her flesh, drawling a smooth line down her slit and then up again. Using his fingertips, he parted her lips and focused his attention on her sensitive nub.

When his teeth grazed across her most sensitive part, Kate's head rolled back and she gasped. Normally, she issued no complaints whatsoever during this part of their lovemaking. In fact, she would go so far as to say it was her favorite. She loved when he made her gasp and moan. Unfortunately, that night her lungs had a different opinion.

Due to their earlier abuse, Kate's involuntary gasp was followed with a great deal of pain and a violent cough. Unable to stop herself, she rolled over onto her side with one hand around her ribs and the other covering her face as she choked violently for several moments. Almost as quickly as she'd begun choking, he hauled her into a sitting position and pressed a glass of water into her palm.

When she sipped, he stroked her back soothingly and pressed a kiss into her temple. "I'm so sorry, Kate; so sorry." He rested his forehead against the side of her head and said, "I shouldn't have…"

"No," she began, her voice hoarse. She took another long ship and returned the glass to him. "No, it wasn't your fault. I'm fine now."

He set the glass on the nightstand and looked at her seriously. "Are you? Are you fine? Are you okay, Kate?" He'd asked the question before—once an hour, actually, since she'd returned,-but he always got the same forced smile "I'm fine" response from her, though he never believed it. As compartmentalized as Kate was, _no one_ could be fine after what she went through; it simply wasn't possible.

In the serenity of their bedroom and with the vulnerability of present undressed state, Kate's bottom lip began to tremble. She continued to nod, as though that act would prevent the tears from falling, but it did not. They began tumbling from her eyes at a steady pace until she covered he face with her hands and let out a chocked sob.

Castle slid up on the bed, gathering her up and lay down with her, spooning against her. He pulled the blankets around them both to keep her warm and held her as tightly as he could without hurting her, rocking her gently and whispering soothing things into her ear. "It's okay baby; you're safe. Everything's okay."

She clung to him the way she always did, the way she always would. He was her savior. Her comfort. Her lover. Her everything. And it was time she told him exactly that.

It took her the better part of five minutes to stop her violent sobs and a few more minutes after that to stop the tears flowing at steady pace. When she finally had her emotions under control, she rolled over onto her back so that she could face him. "I need to tell you something."

From her tone, he knew it was serious. He could hardly imagine what she was going to tell him. He'd heard her telling Gates and the others about her water-boarding and it made him sick. He didn't even want to know what she _hadn't_ told them, but he had to hear it, he knew he did. "Of course. You can tell me anything, baby, anything in the world."

She picked up his hand in hers and brought tit to her lips. She kissed each of his fingers and then held it tightly to her chest before looking up to meet his gaze. "I wrote you a letter. A goodbye letter in case I didn't make it out."

All it took was the phrase "goodbye letter" to roil the bile in his gut. For him, goodbye was not an option. Goodbye was never an option. Yet it had become a very real possibility for them in the prior twenty-four hours. A terrifying, paralyzing possibility, but a real one nonetheless.

"I told CSU where to find it so they could get it out; I don't want anyone else reading it, but I have to tell you what it said," she explained.

She could feel it. The exhaustion pouring through her body, wearing her down. Her eyes felt heavy, her chest tight. Just thinking about saying the words made every muscle fiber in her body tremble—not with fear, but with the reality of just how close she'd come to not being able to say the words to him, but she knew she had to and through his eyes, his warm body against hers, she found the strength.

"I love you. I love you so much," she said, kissing his hand again and pulling it underneath her chin. His fingertips opened against her cheek and she held his palm against her jaw. She locked her eyes with his again. "This—us. Our partnership, our relationship has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. _The greatest_ thing in my life. I don't know what would have happened to me without you and I'm so glad I don't have to find out because you are an amazing man, Richard Castle. You're incredible and I'm so lucky to have you in my life. And I love you with _all_ of my heart. Always. Always, always, always," she repeated as she cuddled his hand against her face.

Castle breathed in a long, ragged breath and held it for a moment. With all his books, all his unpublished works, in his life he had probably written well over a million words, but none of them could ever compare to those words leaving her mouth. Hearing them reaffirmed his every reason for existing. His every reason for being. _She_ was the reason he was on that planet and he would be damned if he didn't prove it to her every second of every day for the rest of their lives.

He opened his eyes slowly, letting the breath exit his lungs. For a moment, he just stared at her gorgeous brown eyes, taking all of her in. Then, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehand, holding her there. Pulling back, he locked eyes with her for another moment and then lowered his lips to hers, sealing them together in a sweet kiss.

Words failed him in that moment. He wasn't sure he possessed the ability to express to her all the ways she had changed his life. All the ways she had made his life better. All the ways she made him into the man he didn't even know he could be.

Instead of attempting the words and failing, he did the only thing he could think of: the exact opposite. He smiled, stroked her cheek with his thumb and said, "Ditto."

She laughed and smiled and he felt his heart swell so much he feared his ribs would burst. He kissed her again and held her face tight in his hands. "Always, Kate; always." She nodded and tucked her forehead into the crook of his neck. They both knew what that word meant and what it had meant for nearly four years.

He held her close for several moments, breathing her in, taking in the moment, before she lifted her head and kissed him. _Kissed him_. He knew what that kiss meant as he had experienced it oh so many times during their relationship, but still, he remained uncertain. "Are you sure, Kate?"

She nodded her head and rolled to the middle of the bed, taking him with her. "I need you, Rick," she told him softly. "I need you."

He needed no other words; no other affirmation. With near blinding speed, he shed his remaining clothing and joined her beneath the sheets, settling in between her legs, feeling their bodies align in that oh-so-perfect way. He pushed himself inside her, burying his full length with one smooth stroke. She let out one of her infamous half moans-half sighs and skimmed her fingers down his face, settling back against the pillows and into their familiar rhythm.

Knowing her delicate state, Castle did his best to keep himself in check, to keep his strokes smooth and even not frenzied and forceful, as they often were (and would have been had they been able to "font" the morning before). She hooked one knee around his hip and he drove deeper, deeper until he could feel her contracting around him, not crying out his name, but pushing her head back into the pillows and wordlessly opening her mouth. A moment later, he met his own release, but refused to move. For one more moment he held her, silently thanking god she was there with him, before he rolled over onto his hip and laced their legs together.

Sated and feeling more safe than she ever had in his arms, Kate tucked her head against his chest and fell willingly into a long-awaited sleep knowing that in the morning he would be there, just like he would be the next day and the next. Just like he would be there—always.


End file.
